


The moment of truth

by assassi



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Diaz Family - Freeform, Episode: s03e15 Coda, Episode: s03e16 Coda, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Spoilers, buddie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:15:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24377854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/assassi/pseuds/assassi
Summary: "I need someone to hold me, Eddie. I need someone to hold. To wake up next to me. To stay for breakfast. To know what my favorite color is and how I take my fucking coffee and all the dumb little things. So I have to do something about it. And, like it or not, I gotta get back in the game."
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 7
Kudos: 396





	The moment of truth

It was just after midnight and their shift was officially over. It hadn’t been too busy today but it hadn’t been too quiet either. Buck liked those days; where it wasn’t all chaos and hurry but the spark of adrenaline was still there, just enough to keep him on his toes. And to fill the damn hollow feeling in his chest that was always there these days.

“Buck? Where are you, buddy?”

He shook off his daze and focused back in the present and Eddie’s slight frown. Forcing on a smile that he had already perfected to be almost real, he turned to face his best friend.

“I have a dream, Eddie. About food, shower and bed in that exact order”, he grinned.

Eddie shook his head with a fond smile.

“You’re always hungry. I have no idea how you keep yourself in shape.”

“Well, I have this job, you see, where I run into burning buildings and carry out people and lift heavy things…”

“Alright, alright, I get it, you’re as sassy as ever”, Eddie lifted his hands in surrender. “Wanna come over? Chris will be home too.”

Did he want to come over? Eddie had no idea just how much Buck wanted to come over. He had no idea what those stolen moments of domesticity meant for Buck, what it felt like to be _wanted_ if only for a while. What it felt like to _almost_ be family.

He slipped on the smile. That almost real smile.

“You just want me to cook.”

Eddie winced a little, biting his bottom lip to fight off his guilty smile.

Ah. Busted.

* * *

Something was off with Buck.

Eddie couldn’t exactly pinpoint what, but something felt wrong. The blonde menace kept smiling and joking around as if everything was just fine but somehow Eddie knew it wasn’t. He tried asking. Buck only slipped on that fake smile that he obviously thought was convincing and claimed that he was just fine.

The rest of the team had noticed too. Bobby kept throwing Buck side glances that _he_ thought were stealthy yet Buck always caught on and made sure to smile wider. Hen tried gently probing the blonde for answers but so far no success there either. Chimney played it cool as if he hadn’t noticed at all but Eddie caught him observing Buck carefully when they were on calls as if ready to catch him if he slipped. Literally or metaphorically.

_“It’s been a rough year for everyone.”_

Hen’s words kept playing on repeat in Eddie’s head. It hadn’t gotten any easier after Christmas either. He knew Bobby and Athena worried about Michael and while Chimney and Maddie looked happier now he knew it hadn’t been easy on them too. And then there had been the taking of dispatch. That had been a hard time for both of them _and_ Buck. And then Eddie’s accident and fighting to stay alive and get back to his son. No one talked about it but he’d seen the footage, he’d seen the desperate way Buck had been digging into the mud with his bare hands, the way Bobby had to pull him back, the haunted look on his face as they had discussed ways to safely get to Eddie. Life TV really didn’t miss anything.

And then Red had happened. Eddie knew it had hit Buck hard and deep because he was honest and emotional and he carried his heart on his sleeve. But was that all? Or was it something more there, something Eddie had completely missed about his best friend?

He had only one person to ask.

He had to speak with Maddie.

* * *

“It’s my fault.”

Which. How?

Eddie frowned, feeling lost. “What do you mean? What’s your fault?”

Maddie took in a shuddering breath, looking away and like she was about to cry. All of the alarms in Eddie’s mind lit up; if he’d upset Buck’s sister, if he’d upset _any woman_ anywhere…

“Buck’s abandonment issues. They’re my fault.”

Come again?

“I’m not following, Maddie”, he admitted.

She sighed, clutching her coffee mug tighter.

“’Everyone leaves’. That’s what he told me. When Red died… Buck sees himself in that man, Eddie. In a few years. Maybe even now. Everyone around him has someone. Be it a partner or a son, in your case. He feels… all alone. And no matter how many times we tell him that 118 is his family, that I’m his family… he goes home to an empty house and that’s killing him. Everyone thought he was a player but when he gave it a shot, when he tried being committed… Abby left. Ali left. And before that… I left him too.”

She sniffed, wiping away the tears that slipped.

“Our parents… well, they weren’t bad people. Just bad parents. The mistakes they made with me, they made with Buck too.”

“Such as?”, Eddie asked quietly.

“Like the idea that parenting is just providing. You more than anyone know that it’s not all there is, Eddie. And where Chris has all your love and support and he _knows_ it… Buck and I didn’t have that. Our parents were disinterested in us. They had certain expectations but they never gave us…”

“Attention?”, Eddie supplied.

Maddie shrugged. “So when I had the chance to get away from them and go to college, I did. And then I got married and my life as a Buckley was behind me. Only that way… I left Buck behind too.”

She took in another deep breath, still not meeting Eddie’s eyes.

“So when Red passed away we spoke and Buck pointed it out. He’s… too good of a person to even blame me. He just pointed out a fact. An argument to what scares him the most – being left behind by everyone. Because so far, the way he sees it…”

She didn’t finish and she didn’t have to.

Eddie felt like someone was squeezing his heart in a tight grip all the way back home.

* * *

Eddie Diaz was a lot of things but impulsive was not one of them. Or at least not when it came to his son. Because while Eddie was quick to throw his punches and sometimes quick with his words, Christopher’s wellbeing was never something he decided on whimsically.

So it was safe to say that he gave his idea a lot of thought. And when he did, it seemed almost too logical. Buck was already a huge part of their lives. He’d been there since the moment he’d found out Eddie had a son.

_“I uh, I love kids.”_

Yet of all the kids Buck loved he seemed to love _that one_ the most. He’d been there when Eddie needed help taking care of Chris; when just Abuela or Pepa weren’t quite enough anymore. He was the one to connect him to Carla and he was still there on the rare times she had a day off and Eddie had to take care of other things. He was there to save Chris from a fucking tsunami, no matter how different Buck saw it – he’d never given up on Eddie’s son. He was there for the therapy, even when he himself needed some. He was there on every stumble, their smiling positive ray of sunshine. He’d slipped just once, during the lawsuit, and then again it had been with the sole idea of _coming back_ to them all. Knowing what he did now, Eddie couldn’t even blame him; he had forgiven Buck long ago but he had only truly _understood_ him recently. (Eddie still hated the time they’d been apart and how dark it had been all around… without their personal sun.)

All things considered Buck was already an integral part of their lives. He was Chris’ favorite person, the one he looked up to and wanted to be with if Eddie was unavailable. Chris’ drawings hung on Buck’s fridge, his teacher’s number was on fast dial on Buck’s phone, Chris’ doctor and therapy appointments never forgotten by the blonde. 

And at the same time, just being Chris’ cool uncle didn’t seem enough to reassure Buck just how wanted and needed he was.

So.

It was logical.

Eddie kept reminding himself that as he took a deep breath and walked into the locker room. Buck was just tying the laces of his shoes and he looked up when Eddie stood next to him.

“Hey, man”, he smiled.

It was Eddie who forced on his smile this time, around the nervous lump in his throat.

“Hey. Can we talk?”

“Sure”, Buck frowned slightly, sensing Eddie’s anxiousness.

Eddie pulled out the papers and handled them to his best friend. _The moment of truth_ , he thought. Silently praying that this time he and Chris would be enough.

Buck took the papers, flipping through them as his eyes got bigger and bigger.

“E-Eddie…”, he stuttered, looking up wide eyed and shocked.

“I know it’s a lot. You can think about it, there’s no pressure…”

“You want me to be Chris’ _legal guardian_?!”

“I… Yes, I do. You already are, Buck. This is just a formality. But if you don’t feel ready or if you don’t…”

“ _You entrust me with your child?!_ ”

And it hurt Eddie to see the disbelief in Buck’s eyes. The barely hidden hope.

“I told you once. I’ll keep telling you if I have to. There’s no one in this world I trust more with my son than you. So do you want this?”, he nodded at the papers.

Buck, too shocked for words, just nodded vigorously. Eddie smiled.

“Then just sign the damn papers, Buck.”

* * *

Buck’s new status didn’t cause a lot of change in their lives.

It were the little things that Eddie noticed and they made him smile.

It was the way Buck walked around with a new gait, new purpose and a real smile. It was how much he volunteered to pick up Chris from school to the point of Eddie having to almost fight him for the occasional honor to do it himself. If Buck had already been involved with Chris’ life so far, he was _everywhere_ now – from the parent-teacher meetings to his ophthalmologist appointment, to the play-date at Hen and Karen’s place.

“You did the right thing”, Hen said, patting Eddie’s back. “I’ve never seen Chris and Buck so happy. You too”, she added meaningfully.

Eddie smiled back, wide and sincere.

“There’s only one thing missing”, Karen said, smirking.

Oh well. He’d bite.

“What’s that?”, Eddie asked.

They lifted their hands and wiggled their fingers with the matching wedding rings, laughing in unison.

“Ha. Ha”, he rolled his eyes.

It wasn’t like hadn’t expected the teasing and he knew how it looked. They had already been getting the attitude from random people they met. Everyone assumed they were together – just because they were close enough and they raised a child together.

In a totally platonic way!

That didn’t stop Chris’ teacher to give Eddie a pointed look when he’d introduced Buck as Chris’ official second parent; as if that was all the reason it hadn’t worked out between her and Eddie even though there had obviously been a spark. But a spark wasn’t enough to build a relationship on, Eddie knew that from experience with Shannon, and he wasn’t looking for anything casual at the moment. He ignored that look and he kept ignoring how all the teachers kept calling Buck “Mr. Diaz” as well, even though they all _knew_ who the Diaz was. Buck never corrected them and took it all with a soft smile. Even Albert’s and Chimney’s jabs went over his head and just like Eddie, he seemed to ignore Maddie’s _looks_ too.

There was nothing _to_ see. Eventually they would all get it.

“Open up your eyes, Eddie. See him before someone else does”, Karen said gently before she stood up to go help her wife with the dessert.

Eddie shook his head. Just because _they_ were gay didn’t mean everyone else was secretly gay, too.

* * *

It had been some time since someone had blatantly hit on Eddie. So could they really blame him that he didn’t exactly know what to do when it happened again?! On a call?!

They were just packing up their tools and rolling up the hoses when a girl stepped closer to him and smiled shyly.

“Hey. I, uh… didn’t get your name…?”, she began.

“It’s Eddie”, he smiled back politely.

She beamed. “I’m Nessa. I, uh… wanted to thank you for your hard work.”

“Hey!”, Chimney called, quickly slapped by Hen, who shushed him in the meantime.

“So, um… this is my number. We could have coffee some time?”.

(In the background he could still hear Chim and Hen arguing,

“It was a team effort!”

“Ssh!”

“But it’s not fair!”

“Do _you_ want a coffee date, Chimney?! Do you want me to tell your _girlfriend_?!”

“Well, no, but…!”)

She was handing him a piece of paper. And watching him all expectantly. He was so bad with expectations. And disappointing people. He had disappointed so many people already.

“I, uh… thanks”, he smiled, taking the slip of paper and forcing on a smile.

She smiled and nodded back, walking away.

Chimney wolf-whistled like an imbecile, shushed again by Hen and their Captain.

Eddie pretended not to see them all glancing at Buck.

Or Buck’s quiet, distanced presence right there next to him as they rode back to the station.

* * *

Buck was staring at his phone contemplatively when Eddie went up in the loft at the station in search for a snack.

“Hey you”, Eddie called, earning back a weak “hey”.

Eddie frowned at that less than enthusiastic reply. He got himself and apple and went to sit on the couch next to Buck.

“What’re you doing?”

The words were out of his mouth just as he saw what Buck was staring so hard at.

A dating app.

There was a pang in Eddie’s chest, one he ignored and denied. Just because Buck contemplated dating again didn’t mean he would ditch (him and) Chris altogether. No one was going to just snatch Buck away from them.

“Can’t decide on a profile pic?”, he teased.

“Can’t decide if I want this at all”, Buck admitted.

“Why do you even contemplate it then?”, Eddie asked.

Buck sighed. “Everyone has someone. Bobby and Athena. Hen and Karen. Chimney and Maddie. _You_ , if you so wanted it. You don’t lack the attention.”

“Buck, if that’s what this is all about…”

“It’s about being with someone. I miss that. I… I am so grateful that you included me more in your and Chris’ lives but…”

“Buck, that’s not…”

“But I can’t just sit back and depend on that. You’ll find someone soon enough and I don’t want to hold you back, out of some feeling of pity…”

“No, that’s not, it was never…!”

“Eddie. Listen. I love that you and Chris took me in. I’m grateful for it and I can never thank you enough. I love that you call me family…”

“Because you are!”

“…but I need someone to hold me, Eddie. I need someone to hold. To wake up next to me. To stay for breakfast. To know what my favorite color is and how I take my fucking coffee and all the dumb little things. So I have to do something about it. And, like it or not, I gotta get back in the game. Even _Albert_ is in the game and he’s barely been here a few months…”

“Albert’s into hook-ups. And somehow, given your little speech, I doubt that’s what you’re after”, Eddie said. And if his voice shook a little that was all his problem.

“No. It’s not. But if I want something real, I have to at least try. Right?”, Buck forced on a smile, one of _those_ smiles that Eddie had thought long gone; and then he went back to activating his profile.

In the dating app.

For reasons Eddie couldn’t name and didn’t really understand, he hated this.

* * *

It was a quiet shift and they had just gathered around the table for dinner. Hen showed pictures of Denny, Karen and Nia and Buck cooed at them while Chimney piled his plate with spaghetti trying to somehow hide from the inevitable question about when he and Maddie would have _that_ talk.

Eddie had had enough.

He caught Buck’s attention and knew he had to be quick before his friend was distracted by baby pictures again.

“So I heard you had a…”, he began, only for Buck’s eyes to widen as he shook his head.

“Huh? What was that?”, Chimney piped up.

“…Nothing”, Eddie finished lamely, his eyes still following Buck, who ducked his head and pretended to be busy with his own phone.

* * *

“Well? Are you gonna tell me about your date and why you didn’t want to talk about it in front of the team?”, Eddie pushed once they were alone.

Buck shrugged. “It was… okay. We just didn’t click.”

“And why didn’t you tell the others?”

Buck sighed. “Come on, Eddie. Chim’s gonna do the wolf-whistle and say something like ‘look who’s back in the game’ and they’d think I’m back to Buck 1.0 and I just… I don’t want this.”

“This… phase, or this reaction?”, Eddie was seriously pushing the boundaries tonight.

“Both”, Buck cut out and stood up to leave. Eddie caught his hand and waited till their eyes met again.

“Buck? Is that all that bothers you?”

“Isn’t it enough?”, those blue eyes narrowed and Eddie gulped dryly.

“No, I mean, it’s a valid argument, I just felt like there was something more that…”

“My date was okay, Eddie. _He_ was okay. We just didn’t click.”

Which was…

Oh.

“Oh.”

Buck’s face crumbled.

“Right. _Oh_. Forgive me if I’m not ready to come out to the whole team”, he hissed before he pulled out his hand from Eddie’s clutch and left a dizzy mess of Edmundo Diaz behind.

* * *

Buck was surprisingly good at somehow avoiding Eddie without avoiding Chris. Eddie honestly didn’t know how the blonde menace managed it, considering they _worked_ together too. But the fact was that it took him two days to finally corner Buck with no one else around to interrupt them and no way out for Buck to escape him.

“We need to talk”, Eddie said.

“No, we don’t”, Buck still tried to dodge.

“We do, damn it!”, Eddie’s temper was quick to flare and he raised his voice, barely stopping himself from hitting a nearby locker.

Buck still flinched as if he had slapped him and Eddie hated to see that. The blonde slumped, his bigger frame looking smaller and defeated.

“Do you regret it?”, Buck’s voice was quiet and shaky. “Choosing someone like me for a co-parent to your child?”

“No!”, Eddie said vehemently. “And what does that even mean!? Being attracted to both males and females doesn’t define who you _are_ , Buck! You’re still the man who saved Chris from a fucking tsunami! Yes, you did and don’t deny it! You still pick him up from school and know his allergies and research for better therapies and ways for him to use a skateboard! You’re often a better father than me and I’ve had years to learn! So no, Buck, I definitely do not regret choosing you to be my co-parent!”

He felt winded, tore open and begging for Buck to understand, to accept his words for the truth they were.

“I just… it hurt me a little that my best friend didn’t feel safe enough to come out to me for… how long have you known?”, Eddie wondered.

“Always, I guess. At least since puberty”, Buck shrugged, his eyes still wary; but at least he was talking to Eddie now. “I just never put a label to it. Bi, pan or whatever. I believe in chemistry. In bonding with someone. No matter the form and the gender.”

Eddie took a deep breath.

“Yeah. Me too.”

Buck’s eyes widened.

“You… what?”, he shook his head with disbelief, dismissing the notion. “Yeah, right.”

Eddie shrugged, trying to play it off with the same nonchalance as Buck.

“I’ve never acted on it. I’ve never been with… a guy. But I can’t deny I’ve been… attracted. To guys, as well as women.”

“And here you are blaming me that I never told you!”, Buck erupted. But the corners of his lips were just slightly lifted as if he was fighting with a smile.

“Well, you never asked!”

“Well, I never had the reason to ask! And-and you guys have that stupid rule of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell!”

“That’s in the past, Buck”, Eddie shook his head with a fond smile. Then he chanced a step closer to his friend, offering a hand. “Are we okay?”

Buck, drama queen as he was, took a moment before he smiled back and accepted the hand.

“We’re okay.”

Eddie grinned and pulled him into a hug.

* * *

“You know it’s okay though, right?”, Eddie said later that night when they had put Chris to sleep and were chilling on the couch with two cold beers, Netflix playing some new show in the background. “To come out to the team. They won’t judge, Buck, you have to know that. I mean. _Hen_.”

“No, I know they won’t. But it sounds like such a Buck 1.0 thing, you know? All attention seeking and open for all options.”

It sounded more and more like Buck’s past bothered him quite a lot. To the point of affecting his everyday decision-making. Eddie knew they’d have to address that at some point but… not yet. Not when Buck looked and felt so vulnerable.

“I won’t push you. Just know that I’ve got your back”, Eddie said.

Buck smiled, catching the reference to how they became best friends all that time ago. He clinked their beer bottles together in a silent toast and turned back to the TV.

* * *

Eddie didn’t want to admit it at first. But something did change after their talk.

And he started really noticing Buck.

He’d always been hyper-aware of just where the blonde was at any given time, the two of them always gravitating to each other – on calls, or the quiet moments in between. But now he paid attention to the little things. Small details he hadn’t noticed before.

Like the way Buck moved when he thought no one was looking, when he didn’t put an effort to be all cocky and overly-masculine. When he didn’t put any thought in how people saw him. When he was his actual, natural self.

And that self was… gracious. All fluid movement and light. Even in the smallest of gestures, like reaching for a coffee mug, or walking to the fridge for milk. And the look in those baby blue eyes… like a stolen moment of peace and serenity.

“Yo, Buckaroo, hope you didn’t use all of it!”, Chimney hollered.

And just like that the spell was broken, the magic was gone. Buck’s shoulders flexed, his whole frame suddenly looking bigger and tougher. When he turned around those eyes were focused, sharp. The smile was there and it was not quite fake but it didn’t really reach his eyes either. The way he moved was totally different, his steps heavier, the swagger pointedly underlined.

Just who was the real Buck and did Eddie really know his best friend?

* * *

Buck’s shift ended two hours before his own today. It sucked when their schedules didn’t align perfectly so they could go home at the same time but it was also a blessing since Buck could pick Chris up from school.

The shift was quiet and Eddie decided to fill up his last few hours at the gym. Chris was with Carla today so Eddie wouldn’t mind the company if Buck wanted to stay for a bit after hours. He checked the lockers and sure enough the blonde was just packing up.

“Hey. I was about to hit the gym, do some push-ups. Wanna join me?”, he asked.

“What for, you want me to count them for you?”, Buck grinned.

“I was thinking we could go for the title”, Eddie grinned back making Buck laugh.

“Nah, man, I got something else planned today. Raincheck?”, the blonde smiled.

“Sure”, Eddie nodded, frowning a little as an old memory flashed in his head.

_“I have no idea how you keep yourself in shape…”_

And that was just the thing. Buck was in great shape and it didn’t look like he put much effort into it. It wasn’t that he didn’t work out with Eddie anymore, he did. Just… not as often as before. And while he could certainly been going to the gym alone on his days off, something told him that was not quite the case.

“See you tomorrow”, Buck called, walking out.

“Yeah… see you”, Eddie muttered.

* * *

The thing was… Buck’s little secret drove Eddie crazy.

_“I have this job, you see, where I run into burning buildings and carry out people and lift heavy things…”_

Well, Eddie had the very same job and nothing even close to Buck’s… grace. Sure, he was fit but it was a whole other kind of fit.

It was something else.

It was something else and Eddie Diaz had to know.

Following your best friend after work wasn’t stalking. Right? They were friends, for fuck’s sake, of course it wasn’t. Yet the snide voice in his head kept insisting that if they were such close friends he could have just asked Buck. And what did Eddie do instead? Followed Buck’s Jeep with his own car like an absolute creep.

The blonde parked in front of an old red-brick building with no signs to tell Eddie where the fuck they were. It was a shady neighborhood and it only looked even more suspicious. What was Buck doing here?

He waited some 15 more minutes (looking even more like a creep) contemplating his life and choices some more before he followed his friend inside.

It… was not what he had expected. Nothing like anything he could have ever dreamt up.

It was an open-space area, completely bare. Except for a high-class audio system and what looked like an iron rod hanging _vertically_ from the ceiling. And _on_ that rod hung… Buck.

Only he didn’t hang. He flew.

Or that was the closest word to what he did, floating, soaring…. Twisting and turning in the air like he had no bones, no tendons. It was impossible, the way he moved so freely, so fluidly, so…

So fucking hot and sexy…

_“Open up your eyes, Eddie…”_

The music was crystal clear and vaguely familiar. Eddie thought it was some sort of popular tune, now played on a cello. It was so gentle and beautiful and it only highlighted the ethereal being dancing to it.

Buck was half-naked and barefoot, wearing only a pair of soft-looking black jeans hugging his thighs tight. And those thighs, strong and powerful, twisted around the rod as Buck spread his arms and leaned back, bending impossibly, irresistibly, the muscles of his upper body flexing in way that made Eddie’s throat go dry and his breath wheeze out in a quiet gasp.

Buck’s head snapped up. In a matter of seconds he was out of his trance, eyes wide and terrified as he froze…

Right before he slipped.

And fell.

“Jesus Christ!”, Eddie gasped, rushing to help the fallen angel, his teammate, his best friend.

Buck was clutching his ankle, face twisted in pain as Eddie reached him and gently tried to move Buck’s hand away, only for the blonde to hiss in agony.

“I may have broken it”, Buck rasped out. “I also hit my head when I fell. What are you doing here, how…?”

“Later”, Eddie cut out. “Now let’s get you to a hospital first.”

* * *

He hated taking advantage of their jobs and he rarely did. Now was one of those moments.

“LAFD, I have a hurt firefighter! Head trauma, possible concussion and a dislocation/broken bone!”

“Eddie, don’t be a dra-…”, Buck tried.

“Don’t speak! I need an X-ray, ASAP”, he demanded. And then, when no one reacted immediately, “I’m a trained military doctor.”

At least two ER nurses rushed to help immediately and Buck huffed out a little snort but didn’t complain anymore as they rolled him for the x-ray.

* * *

As he waited for any news in the ER’s small waiting room, Eddie Diaz had more than enough time to reflect on his life.

When he had been buried underground, plagued with memories, Buck had been a huge part in almost every single one of them, a tangible presence, always there for the two Diaz. He was there not just for the fun, but the hard times too. He was there, when others had left. He was their family.

And Eddie… Eddie couldn’t deny he had hated the thought of losing him when Buck had contemplated dating again. Losing him not just as a constant presence in their lives but _losing him to someone else_.

“ _…See him before someone else does…_ ”

Watching Buck on that rod today, watching the way his body moved and the things that did to Eddie had been just the final drop after weeks, maybe even months of watching his best friend from the sideline, completely unaware when he had started to fall.

Because that was it. And today’s very physical reaction to watching his best friend practically pole-dancing wasn’t something Eddie could deny. Wasn’t something he _wanted_ to deny.

Now he just had to figure out a way to come clean to Buck.

* * *

“It’s called aerial pole. I got hooked-up after the rehab.”

Buck kept his head down, not meeting Eddie’s eyes, his voice quiet and subdued. Eddie hated it. Especially when,

“It was beautiful, Buck. You were… _you_ were beautiful.”

The disbelief in those baby blues hurt. The way Buck looked like he was waiting for the catch.

“You don’t find it weird?”

He didn’t hesitate. “No.” And then, “Is that why you didn’t tell me? Or the others?”

“The others…”, Buck snorted. “Come on, Eddie. I love them but you could guess what the reaction would be.”

“No, I really can’t, Buck. So why don’t you tell me what you think it would have been.”

“It’s _pole-dancing_. How fitting for the man-slut, right?”, Buck sneered.

“Evan.”

It got him Buck’s full attention, immediately, startled blue eyes watching him straight on.

“I can promise you that no one who ever saw what I saw today would ever find it demeaning or anything less than absolutely, unbelievably, breathtakingly beautiful.”

Buck blinked. Eddie took a deep breath.

“And so are you.”

That… didn’t get him the desired reaction. Instead of a smile Buck frowned, ready to argue. Eddie didn’t let him.

“I don’t just mean your face. Or your body. Because while they are beautiful, and do make me want to do unspeakable things to my best friend, that’s the last thing I realized. Today. Watching you on that pole made me… _feel_ things you don’t feel for a best friend. But see, I’ve been falling for months, not even aware of it. It was _your_ face, along with my son’s, that I saw in my darkest hour. You’re already family. You’re there on every step just like I want you to. I was just too blind not to see the physical part of it. Until tonight.”

Buck hummed thoughtfully. “So you want to get physical with me, hm?”

“W-well, not tonight but… yes. Eventually. But maybe dating first. Dinners. I don’t want to rush this, Buck…. Even… though… you seem… awfully okay with it all, all of a sudden…”

A slow, bastard smirk crawled on Buck’s handsome face.

“You drive a monstrosity of a car, Eddie. Kind of easy to spot if you follow someone with it.”

Realization made Eddie’s eyes go wide and his mouth dropped open in shock.

“You cunning little… you planned this!”

Buck shrugged, not denying it.

“Still wanna get physical with me?”, he smirked.

But behind the cocky façade Eddie saw the real emotion: hesitance.

“Very much so”, he promised on a whisper.

The smirk widened.

“Good. That’s good”, Buck nodded, faking nonchalance. And then, real menace as he was, he added, “Because Eddie? You wouldn’t _believe_ all the ways I can bend.”

* * *

It was just after midnight when Buck stepped into the quiet house. Eddie’s shift had ended four hours earlier so the blonde had been left to go home alone this time. At least it hadn’t been too busy today, just enough adrenaline to keep him on his toes.

He toed off his shoes carefully, quietly walking down the hallway. The door to the bathroom was left slightly open and the light was on so he could still see in the dark. The gesture made him smile as he silently opened another door and peeked inside, immediately feeling lighter, even after a 24-hour shift.

The only thing visible from the sleeping bundle on the small bed was a mop of blond curls above the blanket. Buck’s smile widened as he snuck in and bent down to gently kiss those golden locks. Chris didn’t even stir. Buck’s chest felt too small for his heart, full of love for this kid.

“Hey there, hermoso.”

…And his father.

Buck turned around, a wide smile stretching his lips as he saw Eddie leaning on the doorframe. He was wearing only pajama pants. His hair was messy and there was a tired smile on his face.

He was the most beautiful man Buck had ever seen.

And he called _him_ handsome.

“Holla, cariÑo”, he grinned back.

“Not bad”, Eddie nodded, impressed. “Your pronunciation is getting better.”

“I have a great teacher. He talks to me in Spanish… in bed”, Buck teased, slowly stalking closer.

“Mmm”, Eddie nodded again. “How about another lesson?”

Buck beamed.

**Author's Note:**

> So, this story was greatly inspired by the tagged episodes and Saulo Sarmiento Artist (check him out on FB, he's amazing!). The title is NOT a reference to a show but rather the many moments or sudden realisation Eddie goes through. The song Buck dances to is Cranberries' Zombie by GnuS Cello. This story might (most likely will) have at least one smutty sequel because I've found the perfect song for inspiration :D so keep an eye on and meanwhile tell me what you think about this fic ;)


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